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Nick

ChasingNuts

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Matt

Quotes (of the day?)
Witty Things I’ve Heard Said…

It seems rather pointless to have my random quote above a list of the quotes from which it is pulled, but there is a symmetry that must be maintained.

Dude, I’d hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.
gball
I know death is binary state...but that guy is WICKED DEAD.
bigbabitch
“We didn’t do it!”...“Then who did?”...“I think it was robots. Robots that looked like us.”
Amber, age 5
Do you think if we shaved that unibrow into two seperate brows, he would lose his power like Samson?
Brandon
I’ve literally had sex with a man, and that was the gayest thing I’ve ever seen or heard.
James, to me
If you are going to cheat at math, one of you should get the answer right.
Mr. Buchanan
“My fiance has had a wax kit in the house. It never occurred to me to put it on my balls.”...“That’s because you have no sense of adventure!”
Ryan and I
It was ME! I was the turkey all along!
Gir, Invader Zim
Best... legs... in the game!
bosskay at MPCon XVIII
The money on the nightstand didn’t bother me. How LITTLE money there was on the nightstand did.
Geralyn
“I have these Ten Commandments”...“Are any of them about not pushing your religion on other people?”...“Uh, no”...“Didn’t think so”
Robot Chicken
IM IN UR COMPUTR TRICKN U AND UR GOD
this song’s crazy in a wierd depressing way... like i’m being raped on the ferris wheel... surreal in a good way
Nick A
“Listen to what this total nerd said on the WoW forum!”...“Let he who doth not read the WoW forum call out the first ’nerd’”
Overheard at Work
There is a carnival in town. I can smell boiled hotdogs and children’s tears from a block away.
Nick A
They have like, 150 ways to cook chicken but only one cookie... c’mon Asians, get creative!
Mike E
Does anybody else have anything they care about me caring about?
Tammy C
I have no shame. In the place where my shame gland should be, there’s actually a second awesome gland... true story.
Barney Stinson, “How I Met Your Mother”
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
Mohandas K. Gandhi
Stop being a stereotype!
Pat, to a homosexual friend
The living dead don’t NEED to solve word problems.
Calvin and Hobbes
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
John Ciardi
It’s easy to make a lot of money, if all you want to do is make a lot of money.
Citizen Kane
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
Monty Python
A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
Winston Churchill
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
Bill, “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”
Steve, that’s a stupid thing to say, and you’re a stupid person for saying it
Stephen Colbert on “The Daily Show”
I want you to be fucked inside-out by a grizzly bear made out of lava.
Mansteak on TMBO
Would you pull it out already!!??
Dacia G
You’ll be as safe as a brick-built pig house!
Wolf, “Tenth Kingdom”
I suppose you could bend the knees a bit, and provide a convenient handrest - hell, with a knee brace and some duct tape we could give her a cupholder. Maybe one on each leg....WE COULD MAKE YOU THE DODGE MINIVAN OF PORN!!!!
Greg W
Seriously, it’s pretty much fruit & spice flavoured flour-butter held together with booze and holiday cheer.
MedKat, describing her fruitcake
“I’m going to teach you how to live, lesson 1: lose the goatee, it doesn’t go with your suit”...“I’m not wearing a suit”...“Lesson 2: get a suit”
Barney to Ted, “How I Met Your Mother”
It might make more sense for me to punch you in the dick!
Misha G
I’m not doing her, she’s gross!
Misha G
I’m not going to be happy until Angel sucks dick
The Ferrett referring to Joss Whedon’s “Angel”
I’m going to motorboat the hell out of your va-jay-jay!
Nick P
Vagina should not ever connect to rectum.
MedKat
I’m an ice whore!
Jess Z
my reportcard in kindergarden was the progress report of a retarded great ape on drugs...couldn’t tie shoes... couldn’t skip... couldn’t color.
Josh P
Turquoise is the official semi-precious stone of homosexuals.
Brendan F
Your penis must hate you.
Casey
I’m so glad I have aids.
Tracy W
Any steak that I can fist, I will eat.
Chuck C
Not on my tongue, I can’t tell the difference.
Rachel W
Hold on, if you keep doing that, her sphincter is going to be inpenetrable.
Skennedy
Can we get ice to sponsor us?
Sheryl B
That big giant thing is making me want to say “Fuck it, I don’t even want to talk to you anymore”
Sheryl B
“It still seems a little tacky”...“No that’s faux tacky.”
Dawn K to Greg W
If you don’t stop grabbing your penis I’m going to have Uncle Jer watch it all day.
Dawn K
Bawls are tasty but useless.
Skennedy
Oh, wait, I just got my own joke.
Lucy B
I would take all of the genitals in the WORLD!
Carrie D
Did you know when you draw ether, it spells cock?
Rachel W
You know, if you choke to death on a rice krispy treat, we will totally hand them out at your funeral.
Ger to me
We were stopped in disgust several times thinking of you.
Melanie B to me
Give that back, *I’M* Juicy Lucy.
Lucy B
I have a huge beef with the Industrial Revolution.
Amy C
I love nuts. I could eat nuts all day long.
Sheryl B
You’re the ugliest, ugliest girl ever! You’re not even a GIRL!
Brenna B, age 5 to me
Board members ask questions, little kids get beat up!
Matt A
I aspire not to throw up.
Audrey G
My butt is going to cry in a moment; it’s going to cry big, brown tears
Me
That is stupid, that song is so stupid. It’s so stupid it makes me think...“This is stupid”
Melanie
I can impregnate you with sorrow!
Carrie D
If it doesn’t burn when I swallow, it’s no good...
Sheryl
The vagina is much tighter than the ass.
Lucy
"Can you page him in braille?"
Greg calling to locate our missing, blind, deaf @gamrillen